Emu?

In high school, as many of you know, their are distinct seperate clicks. We all know them and are familiar with them, we may have even been in them. There's your preps, goths, smart asians, jocks, goofballs, governer school kids, punks, emo's, misfits (NA), and the kids who wear sweatpants with the elastic band around the bottom of the legs and have t-shirts that say things like "Virginia is for Losers". Then there are kids like me who actually notice these things and go home evry night and ponder the different groups and wonder why they are the way they are.

Recently my little sister Maggie acquired a skateboard, a "big girl" skateboard as we all call it. It has a skull and crossbones on the bottom and looks very threatening. This would all be ok if my little sister weren't only 9 years old and still wearing cinderella panties to school each day. What can i say, she picked the skateboard out herself. Along with the scary looking skateboard she got knee pads, elbow pads and gloves especially for skateboarders. None of us have the heart to tell her that Tony Hawk doesn't skate with pads stuck to his body to protect his elbows and knees from harm, like Maggie.

Maggie has fallen in love with her new skateboard gloves and likes to wear them around the house and when she eats and stuff, she thinks they make her look cool and like a hardcore "skater". This morning before going out to the bus stop she asked my mother if she could maybe wear them to school. My mother agreed, not really listening because it is 7:00 in the morning and she stays up till 3:00 on a regular basis.

When Anna and I got home form school we found out that Maggie had worn her new gloves to school. We kind of chickled and told my mom that the emo kids, those known for cutting themselves and for embracing peculiarity, often wear gloves just like the ones that Maggie had on at that same moment. My mother quickly called Maggie over and told her she couldn't wear them to school anymore, just when she is skateboarding. Maggie quickly asked why and this was the ensuing conversation:

Mom- "Because bad kids wear them and they are like a ...gang symbol or something, we dont want them to think you are bad or in a gang or something."

Maggie- "What bad kids? I love these gloves, i want to wear them to school!"

Mom- "Those emu... or something kids, they are all in gangs and wear gloves like that, that's why you can't wear them anymore."

Maggie- " What's an emu?"

Lizzy (me)- "Well actually it is a large bird."

Mom- "You're not helping."

Anna and Cameron in the background laughing their butts off.

Oh! To be 2 again!

For the past two weeks our family, namely Anna, has been babysitting a two year old named Alyssa. It is an unfortunate name, but she is still cute. In these two weeks we have learned the extent of her vast vocabulary. I am listing all she ever said down below:

1. Go away!
2. Go away to!
3. Gimme' me!
4. No
5. My juice!
6. nana (banana)
7. affle (apple)
8. Juice (milk, or any other beverage, it's all juice)
9. nana (Anna, we never knew if she wanted Anna or just a banana)
10. Maggie! (She never just said Maggie, she always yelled it)
11. squeezy cheese
12. pretty toes
13. peas (please)
14. bebe (blanket)
15. bebe (baby)
16. bebe (anything she didn't know the word for, yes, it got confusing!)

My favorite thing that Allyssa did was actually the most disgusting thing she ever did. One day Maggie was eating club crackers with sharp cheddar squeeze cheese on top. Alyssa toddled over and said "gimme; me!" so Maggie handed her a cheese cracker. Instead of eating the cracker, Alyssa promptly licked all the cheese of and held up the cheeseless cracker for maggie to "refill". Disgusted, we all watched as she did this over and over again using the same cracker for an hour and draining us of all our squeezy cheese! Alyssa was a very entertaining two year old, plus she took like 5 hour naps, she was awsome!

Drive-by-lickings

In recent weeks it has come to my attention that Boomer's behavior has become increasingly erratic. As she ages in doggy years she has become more and more eccentric, not unlike an old lady. One serious problem has occurred numerous times now and i can no longer keep silent through my suffering. Boomer doesn't just lick us anymore, she attacks unsuspecting people with her vicious tongue. As she is running through the house to he kitchen because she heard the fridge open, she will casually stick her tongue out the side of her mouth and nonchalantly run it up down your bare leg, all while she is still in motion, leaving a trail of dirty slobber up and down your freshly lotioned and shaved leg. This often causes squeals of surprise from her many victims. And to those who know her well, an angry tirade of appropriate curses because they know that same morning Boomer got into the kitty litter and cleaned it out for us. Boomer was never so daring in the past, if you have witnessed her crime please don't hesitate to contact me and to offer kind words of support as we scrub our legs clean of kitty litter drool.

Thank you,
Boomer's victims

People watching...not like bird watching, no binoculars...

This past Sunday the young women had the privilage, and i say privalege beause no other nice words come to mind, to sing in Sacrament meeting. We sang a beautiful song whose title escapes my mind, i was really into it, can you tell? The singing wasn't the fun part, we only have like 8 young women, but the best part was being able to watch the people in sacrment meeting. If i ever had a real hobby, other than tether ball, i would be a people watcher. I already plan on being one of those creepy old women who just sits on a bench somewhere and stares at people, but since i'm not old and creepy yet i have to wait a few years, it shouldn't take long! But any way, i saw some hilarious stuff while watching unsuspecting memebers. For starters, has anybody ever noticed how many little kids escape their parents by slipping under pews and rolling away? Alot! Another common thing is people who have their scriptures pu and to the naked eye look like their reading, but rather they are dead asleep and use the sacred scriptures as a ploy! It's a disgrace!
I just have to say that i love watching people, and i have had mnay opportunities to do so. Perhaps my favorite people watching moment would ahve to be when i was observing a 1st grade class for one of my classes. All of these little 6 and 7 year olds were sitting on the floor in front of the teacher for story time, the story was Dr. Seuss of course, what else do you read to 1st graders! Anyway, there were these two little boys sitting next to each other, one had a coat on because it was february and still a little cold. The boy not wearing the coat started digging around in his nose, for like a total of 5 minutes. I was enthralled, i have never seen a finger go up so far! Anyway, after about 5 minuetes he finally found what he was looking for and pulled it out. I leaned closer to examine it, the boogfer was the size of my big toe, i swear, no wonder he picked his nose! So this boy, being very proper, doesnt eat the booger like i expected. Instead he looks around for somplace to plop the booger down. He quickly zeroed in on the boy next to him wearing the big coat. The booger boy then, very slyly i might add, wiped his booger finger on the boys coat while looking away. This si all going on during story time in a first garde class. That moment made my top five most hilarious moments list, it is a very extensive list.

Consequences

Throughout my short life i have learned the hard way that all actions have a consequence, whether it be good or bad. For example when i was 10 i climbed a tether ball pole and became stuck on the hook that holds the ball when it is not in play. My pants got hooked on the hook and when i tried to get down it ripped my pants clear to the crotch. My kindly, old, German principal was the one to eventually lift m down when my teacher realized that i hadn't come in from recess. I then had to walk through the school to get to the nurses office where the phone was located, simultaneoulsy flashing my pocahontas panties that had been a hand-me-down from Emile. That was the consequence of climbing the tether ball pole. Another consequence of that seemingly simple action is that this story gets told regularly at family gatherings, to my obvious embarrasment and to the delight of my father who tells the story like he was there, which, by the way, he wasn't!

Handicapped designated areas

So being the idiot that i am, i volunteered to be an usher at the 2008 graduation ceremony. I am in NHS so we have that option, my friend volunteered, and being the follower that i am i volunteered to, not knowing what was too come! We get to the gym where the ceremony is held and the school is blasting the air conditioning to the point that i swallowed my gum because i was shaking! I still feel it in my esophagus! We get there and my job they told me was to check the handicap tickets and to make sure unhandicapped people didn't sit in the handicapped designated areas. At first it was easy, people slowly trickled in and only one woman with a wheechair showed up and she had a stamp on her ticket, which means she can sit in the handicapped area, as if she could climb the stairs anyway. Then a couple walks in and immediately sit in the handicapped zone, i quickly walked over to do a ticket check, very politely i might add. Lo and behold they don't have the magic stamp! I told them that they would have to move because they weren't "handicapped." The mean old guy immediately pulls out a DMV card that says that he is legally handicapped and tells me thathe and his wife are handicapped and need to sit there. I tell them that their inconsiderate graduate should have taken that into account when he ordered their tickets. The guy promptly starts shoving his magic DMV card in my face and starts yelling. I, usually shy and meak, immediately start raising my voice telling him that i didn't make the rules, i just enforce them, which is funny because i am like 5'3'' and a light weight, i'm not enforcing anything in these people's minds! Then my supervisor comes over and backs me up and makes them move! The "handicapped" guy starts to stomp up the stairs and his wife flashed me dirty looks all night, then our principle starts talking, and then commenced the most generic graduation ever! None of the seniors even snuck anything in, no beach balls or whoopi cushions, nothing! I was shocked! But the night wasn't a total bust, i came home and ate my weight in nachos because i had burned off so many calories trying to stay warm while secretly trying to cudddle up to my friend to steal away some of her body heat. The stupid thing is that i shaved before going and then got goosebumps, why did i even bother?

At least you're not stoned...

I have this friend from school, her name is Bob (Barbara). She had a very unique experience recently and I felt it was worth sharing with my viewers, few that there are. Bob is a straight A's student who is in the Girl Scouts, in Governors school and can do no wrong. However the other day her life came crashing down, in a slightly humorous way of course. Two years ago Bob went to India with her Girl Scout troop, and while there she bought a colorfully woven bag with a swastika woven on the front. The swastika originated in India and means peace and happiness, the Nazi's just stole the symbol to represent their organization, and unfortunately many people associate the Swastika with the brutality of the Nazi's and with antisemitism. But Bob, being educated knew what the symbol really meant and loved the bag, and she promptly began using the bag as a backpack. Last week while walking through the hallways of Massaponax High School, Bob was grabbed by an administrator and told that she was in big trouble and was dragged by her arm to the office. Finally upon reaching the school's office ob was informed why her arm had been pulled from its socket in the rush to get the office. Apparently the administrator had caught a glimpse of Bob's swastika bag, and found it highly offensive and so obviously against the code of conduct. Bob promptly explained what the symbol really meant and that she wasn't going to come to school someday with a gun and shoot all of the minorities, which the administrators actually told her they feared. However while the principle "deliberated" Bob was sent to sit out in the office with all of the other delinquets that exist within Massaponax. Bob sat down in the only available seat and promptly realized that the boy next to her reaked of pot. The boy quickly turned towards her with blood shot eyes and asked why she was in trouble. Bob quickly, not wanting to keep the conversation going with the scary high kid, showed him her bag. He laughed quickly, than looked straight at her and said,"At least you're not stoned, hahahah."
Bob was quickly returned to class after her ordeal and told that she might be given in-school-suspension for her offending bag, even though it wasn't really offensive to any well-educated person, which apparently Massaponax High School lacks. I came to find out later that on top of all of this Bob recieved a ticket while picking up her sister because she only had her parking lights on. And all of this happened while her parents were out of town. This story will forever make me proud that at least i'm not stoned, I do have that much going for me.

John Mayer

I wait all year long for the end of the year. The very beginning of June to be exact. There is always such energy in the halls at school, anticipation, anxiety, excitement and a whole lot of "I can't believed I failed, here I come summer school!" being thrown around. For me, this time of year is almost like Christmas, I can't wait for the magical day when I will be sprung free from the chains of High School for a whole summer. I always think of John Mayer's song "No Such Thing" where the chorus is, "I wanna to run through the halls of my high school...i wanna bust through the double doors!" The school year is winding down and i can't wait to walk out the double doors to my truck with a big dent in the side of it from hitting the stationary object at Wawa gas station. I can't wait to drive away and come home, run to my room and flop down on my bed and sleep the summer away, in between reading wondeful books and the job I am searching for ofcourse. This summer is going to be great, I will make it great! And then comes August...

Body Odor

I know the title of this post may sound kind of nasty, but it's not really that bad! Today after arriving home from school, I casually mentioned to my mom that her deodorant wasn't fulfilling it's god-given purpose. She quickly did an armpit check and took a big sniff, it was perhaps the fuuniest thing i have ever seen my mother do in my life, she's not normally that kind of lady. I ofcourse was kidding, my mother always smells like clinique happy, so she smelled fine. After doing the quick armpit check herself she grabbed my little sister, Anna, and made her check her pits. Ofcourse through all of this I kept a straight face and quickly came up to the computer and wrote this post! It's moments like these that make my life worth living! Wow, that sounds slightly suicidal...

Action Flick

Have you ever watched a really awesome action flick with lots of cool stunts and stuff? I found myself watching Mission Impossible 3 the other day, and it has tons of cool sequences where Tom Cruise is jumping off buildings and driving fast cars and stuff. Well, after watching the movie I realized that I was walking really fast and when walking around a corner I would twirl or do something silly that only Tom Cruise would do in an action flick. I had to make a conscious effort not to jump all the way down the stairs or to karate chop Cameron when he farted at the dinner table. For some reason I found this mimicking phenomenon kind of funny and worth sharing. Just next time you watch a movie like that notice how people mimick the action scenes when going about normal, everyday life, it's hilarious! (WARNING: Anything with James Bond has the same effect)

Just getting started

Now that my sister and brother-in-law are in Russia, and don't have phone access for the summer, I thought I would keep in touch through our blogs! Plus they have been begging me to get one for months now, so I will conform and become perhaps the only single person with a blog, I'm such a loser! I hope you're happy Molly, I will put up all kinds of pictures and keep updates on our family so that we don't lose touch completely while you and Charles are eating Borscht and living in a drafty apartment. I, however, will not be writing about how much I love my husband and why he is the sweetest guy nor will I write when my baby is due, because I don't have either of those things, yet. But I will make an effort to write about the bizarre things that happen in my life and make my life interesting and fun to live. And Molly, i have one request for you, please don't comment on the various grammatical mistakes I make, this blog is supposed to be fun and we can't all be grammar Nazis!